My relationship with cocks has gone through many phases. Well, for a long time it was seemingly non-existing. I only saw them in the cartoonbooks of our bathroom. Even though I hadn't been directly or physically in contact with a cock, I still had received a lot of indirect messages about them.
That's why the first time I met one, I definetely had a lot of not - so - neutral feelings about it. And I needed time. Time I didn't give myself. I had all these persistent voices in my head, saying: 'I am responsible for this cocks' happiness if it's near me. I should do something with it. It's my fault that it got erect so now I should do the whole deal.' So from that first meeting, our relationship was rather complex. For a while, I only went close to it because I wanted to feel close to the owner. The sight of an erect cock mainly evoked feelings of pressure and aversion, rather than excitement. I did like it rubbing me between my legs or going inside of me. But hey, if I didn't know how to genuinely and with pleasure touch it with my hands or mouth, how could I fully relax and receive it in my vagina? That's one of the several reasons it also hurt often.
Recently a client in a 1-on-1 session reminded me of the time I just described above. The complexity and different paradox feelings I had back then. Having a part of me wanting 'that thing' as far away from me as possible. Now I can love the sight of a cock. Not just any. I build a bond with my lovers' genitals. It can arouse me tremendously. Sometimes I want to own it. Or adore it. Have it near. Touch it tenderly. Hold it casually when I spoon him. Have a talk with it. A whole lot changed! I changed in how I relate with myself, my vagina, men, my own pleasure AND also how I relate with penises.
How's your relationship with the cock?
I'm here if you'd like some dedicated 1-on-1 support too.
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