Imagine this: Raymond is touching his wife rough and fast, just as he imagines she likes it. He feels like going softer, but is more concerned about her pleasure. Meanwhile, his wife would like to go softer too, but she assumes this is what he wants most and goes along with it. Or: Kim is touching Sophie's body in a way that feels really arousing for Kim. She enjoys it madly, until a little voice in her head tells her that this is probably too much for Sophie. She decides to quit her own 'taking' and starts doing what she thinks Sophie wants. Meanwhile, Sophie is wondering why Kim stopped this delicious moment and why she suddenly felt less connected. Or: Michael and Liv are playing and fooling around, laughing and teasing. Before they know it, their clothes are laying on the ground and their breaths sound aroused. Until their naked genitals come a little closer and the energy suddenly drops. The conditioning of how genital sex should look like kicks in, and the playfulness is lost.
A new story
My dear, can you recognize yourself in any of the situation above?
I would like to suggest a new story, a different story.
A story where you and your lover are both feeling present in your own bodies and in the moment.
You have practised to feel what you want in every moment, following the spontaneity and impulses of your body.
You are melting in the experience of your senses; the smells, what your mouth is touching, the sound of your partner, the warmth of skin,...
You feel empowered to go for what you want and what feels truly good.
You take for you pleasure, and you feel free to request your partner for what you want to receive.
You are enjoying rubbing your arms and chest against her breasts, while you ask her to kiss and bite your neck.
Because you have build the trust together that the other will do the same. That your partner is taking care of his pleasure. No need to second-guess, no need to please: you both take and you both request.
You've build the trust that she can feel for herself when she doesn't feel like fulfilling that request. She can say 'no' or do something else, and you can relax.
When your body contracts somewhere, you notice it. You know how to listen to these subtle signals of your body and together you slow down and breathe. Until you feel the openness and genuine impulse to play again.
Are you ready to write your own new story about sexuality?
Done with pleasing?
Done with getting stuck in your head?
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It would be a pleasure to hear from you.