When I am in raw anger

*I warn you*, this is unedited, raw emotion. I am not owning my part in this, ’cause that is not what my anger wanted to say in that moment.

CAN YOU BE WITH ME? Or do feelings easily become too much for you? Can you stay with the discomfort of intense love or do you want to run away when the first bit of fear comes up? Can you actually do what you say you will? Or should I rather trust that you’ll get taken away by your resistance to be changed by our love? Can you bear with me when I show you more of who I am? Needy me, wet me, frustrated me, cheeky me, emotional me. Or is that all TOO MUCH? Or AM I ALL TOO MUCH? Fuck you! Piece of shit! You can keep your sweet words and lovely desires! You can go and take with you the promising intentions that taste like sour fish. You wake me up when I am nicely sleeping. You lift me up and you don’t know how to put me safely down. You look at me and try to hold my gaze until you fail and just look away. Can you be with the discomfort of loving? Do you ACTUALLY CARE about finding a way through every time stuckness comes in? Are you willing to stay when your legs want to run? Are you capable of listening for real? Also in those moments your mind is trying to sabotage you with mean voices. Because what you really want is the real thing. With me. Fuck you. Piece of shit. Apparently this is way too much for you.


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