When “Conscious” Language Becomes Gaslighting

loreblancke
15 minutes ago
2 min read

Why something can sound wise and still be wrong

Sometimes “conscious” language is gaslighting hiding as wisdom.

I see it show up again and again in relational, spiritual, and intimacy-oriented spaces.

It sounds like:

“This is just resistance — move past it.”
“If you were more regulated, this wouldn’t bother you.”
“That’s your projection.”
“I’m just mirroring you.”

All of these responses have one thing in common: they disregard what the person is actually feeling.

Instead of meeting it with curiosity or care, the emotional impact gets dismissed. Moreover, the responsibility is quietly thrown back onto the person who is already vulnerable.

Even if it’s “true”

Here is where I want to be very clear and honest.

Even if something is projection.

Even if it is resistance.

Even if it’s old anger.

Even if it’s fear.

Even if it’s trauma.

Telling someone to ignore what they are feeling is not supportive.

Because regardless of the explanation, the real question is:

What does this person — or, what do we — need in order to move forward in a way that is actually serving?

Growth doesn’t happen by overriding inner signals.

It happens by listening to them with discernment and care.

Self-responsibility isn’t the problem

Yes, self-responsibility matters.

Yes, looking inward matters.

And I say every healthy relationship benefits when people ask themselves:

What is mine to look at? Where can I take ownership?

It’s just that when gaslighting is happening, all responsibility lands on one person.Often the one with more empathy, more self-reflection, more willingness to question themselves.

An uncomfortable truth about empathy

There are people who genuinely struggle to feel empathy.

Some situationally. Some consistently.

And in spaces where people are seeking belonging, closeness, and emotional intimacy,my sense is that these numbers are higher.

So how do we stay open without abandoning discernment?

Vulnerability without boundaries isn’t liberation

Environments that encourage vulnerability without equally strong boundaries can become safe havens for people who benefit from others staying soft, accommodating, and self-doubting.

When I speak about boundaries here, I don’t mean walls or defensive strategies.

I mean inner clarity - the ongoing practice of sensing what is right for me, and intentionally choosing which people, dynamics, and spaces I give my openness to.

As people open up and learn to feel more, ideally we also become more and more discerning.