When someone asks you: what do you want? , sometimes the answer first comes in a vague feeling rather than a concrete reply. Do you recognize that?
At one of my last desire playgrounds with friends, I got the opportunity to ask for what I truly longed for. Without a clear picture of the set-up we'd end up in to, my requests started bubbling up.
During a time in my life when the first physical signs of womanhood were emerging, I encountered inappropriate and objectifying behavior from an adult family member. This experience left me feeling alone and unsupported, struggling to handle the changes and the way my body was perceived.
Behind Me, Within Me: Encounters in Support and Safety
Until eventually the men of the group where sitting behind me. I'd asked them to just be in a safe and protective role. At that point I allowed myself to feel small, young, vulnerable.
One of the men offered a gentle reminder: 'You can always say no.' This statement was meant to be supportive, yet it sparked a realization in me: "I don't even want to have to do that. I want to feel that you, who represent a parental figure, have got me, and even will say 'no' where I cannot."
Naming the Unseen: Touch and Recognition
I was processing an experience from a long time ago, where I was at an age where I longed for my caretaker to speak up for me.
This scene wasn't directed from the mind, it came from a very embodied and in-the-moment feeling.
The women were in front of me, touching my naked body. They'd be placing their hands on different body parts and naming them: "This is your thigh. It is just a thigh." Same with my breasts, my yoni, my lips,... I'd also asked the men to be very aware of any 'taking' or 'desiring' energy and looks - I didn't want any of that.
Dancing New Truths: A Body Reclaimed
It felt odd, and somewhat new, to express this longing, surprising even myself with the depth of it all. This was part of my journey to dese//ualize my body, to reclaim it as my own, addressing the young Lore who had once felt so objectified.
Many weeks later, I still experience my body in a new way. It is even more mine again. Last night, I was at an ecstatic dance and felt my body as something precious, and I had a new awareness of who it is for to enjoy, when I feel comfortable being watched by someone, and when not. More so: I felt more than ever that I have the right to choose that. It is one thing to know it, another to really feel it.
I am so incredibly grateful for the power of those kinds of spaces in my life, and for people gathering to empower one another.
It's from those life-changing moments, many now in my life, that I am inspired to extend an invitation to you for the The Liberation Journey. We're gathering to grow in confidence, expand our inner freedom, and welcome more aliveness into our lives.
To learn more, join our upcoming Free Taster Call.
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