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How I Want To Make Love

As lovers or partners, we might already have a common intention in how we want to interact and connect. At the same time, often there are so many 'shoulds' stuck in our heads: ➡ 'I should give always equally much attention as I get.'

➡ 'I should go faster now.' ➡ 'I shouldn't feel sad right now.' I prefer to create a space together where we drop all those 'shoulds'. The only should I like is 'We should not have any shoulds'😉 I have lots of open conversations about the lovemaking we have together. Even when I learn from voicing and hearing about both the most beautiful as well as the most challenging parts, it's still different from remembering these things in the very heat of the moment. Even when agreements are common sense (like consent), it's powerful to make it expliciet. Sometimes I just verbally remind myself and my lover(s) of what's important for me. "We don't need to get anywhere. There is no goal." "Our genitals can be as soft or hard, dry or wet as they are."

In #Weflow and its variant for conscious friends (We-Flow is generally used for conscious businesses and professionals) we use 'micro-agreements' to create an intentional culture that supports us to thrive and beyond. Some of the things essential for me to have the sex life I want: ✔ Feeling free to check assumptions as open questions. ✔ So much of our struggles and pains are caused by stories made up in our mind. We assume what the other meant with a gesture, we assume what the other wants based on previous experiences, we assume how we should behave. Whenever I notice an assumption, I intend to check whether that is actually true. ✔ Feeling free to take responsibility for our own pleasure. ✔ Meaning, we don't expect the other to 'just know' or take action to fulfill our own desires. If we want something, we can ask, we can request, we can take initiative. ✔ Feeling free to sink into present-moment awareness at any time. ✔ I give myself and others the space to slow down, to take a moment to feel ourselves or our body, to take some breaths and receive the moment. ✔ Feeling free to be playful and curious. ✔ Both of those qualities are so freaking powerful! No, they don't have to be always there. This agreement is saying that I want those qualities to always be welcome. ✔ Feeling free to allow spontaneous magic. ✔ Letting go of any goal or structure. What is arising in every moment? Not an agreement, rather one of my own favorite questions: Are we inviting the possibility to feel complete full-body bliss and earth-shattering deep love? Is there anything you would add on your list of agreements?

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