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Lars' story: exploring premature ejaculation

This is a real story that is read, approved and celebrated by my online client. 'Lars' is the name he chose to share his journey.

Lars reached out the first time for an in-person bodywork session right when the first covid regulations started in Belgium. One year later, with Covid still ruling the world, Lars considered online coaching.

When I met him, he told me about his beautiful journey through yoga, mindfulness and spirituality. He shared his longing to work more around sensuality and sexuality, which was an area where he struggled with quite some insecurities and accompanied with that premature ejaculation. There was shame, fear to disappoint and also fear to let go of control. He wanted to cultivate more confidence, lightness, embodied living and playing.

When Lars started the journey, he just dove right in! We practised really feeling the subtle sensations in the body and quickly moved on to exploring arousal. What Lars discovered? Whether the excitement is in telling his dream about moving to the US or in masturbating, when it got too intense he stopped feeling his body.

We experimented with pausing in those moments and as always breathing proved its magic.

Play as a lifestyle

Lars' full engagement, his openness again and again to try new things and go out of his comfort zone made it super fun to work with him! It felt like he gave me his complete trust to take his hand and guide him to unfamiliar terroritory.

The intention was to expand his capacity to feel sensations without getting overwhelmed. As well as to widen the spectrum of what pleasure can be: he got challenged in self-pleasuring by letting go of what he knows. For some sessions, we stayed away from genitals and tried out playing with sound, being silly, moving freely from the body instead of guided by the mind, shifting focus points and directing the breath in different ways. Lars got more and more comfortable with following his body's true impulses.

" This program has exceeded all my expectations. I looked forward to every next session, at the same time I felt nervous. It was the perfect mix of being challenged and feeling safe to express and explore. At first I was sceptical about online coaching, now I think it even helped me to open up. These sessions have been going much deeper than I anticipated, exposing parts of myself I didn't expect to see. It was a super positive experience. "

I learned a lot in facilitating this man's inner expeditions. Halfway through, he realized that 'this sexuality thing' is not about skills, it's about finding the way to receive and open up to what is already here in the moment. He set the intention to let this world of feeling and pleasure blend more with the rest of his life. Soon after he shared about his new experiences of biking in the wind and the joy of his feet in the grass. In the meantime, he kept on practicing masturbation in lots of new ways and slowing down with breathing when it got too heated.

One mantra that brought a world of difference to Lars' life: "don't take it too serious". It's all just a game and you can play!

Mastering being aroused and relaxed at the same time

Session 7 and 8 were focused on receiving requests: answering, not what he second-guessed the other wants to hear, but his genuine conditions for a Yes, or No. The real vulnerability came in when Lars exercised speaking from his own longings, not only with me, but also in 'real life'. Soon after, he went dancing with a friend and enjoyed how easily the nervous tension transformed to the joy of courage.

In our last meetings, Lars discovered the power of circulating energy and went wild on taoistic breathing practices. Both his yoga poses, his masturbation as well as his way of planning his work started to see a lot more flexibility, freedom and playfulness. In the last weeks, he took more days off from his intense and important work-life.

He could access a child-like curiosity which resulted in a beautiful revived meeting with his penis and testicles. It is Lars that initiated the new term "intuitive masturbating". He managed to touch his own body with more and more receptiveness and an empty mind: having let go of patterns and the known.

I always looked forward to my meetings with Lars, curious what the next insight would be and where it would lead him. It's so damn exciting to see this beautiful man own his sexual pleasure more every week and to see how he mastered being aroused while being relaxed and embodied. I appreciate Lars for the surrender in this process and the trust he brought forward.

" I notice big shifts since I started this work with you. The shame I had almost completely disappeared and sexuality now feels like a normal and equally important part of my life. I dare to live more intuïtively as wel as playful. We worked around sexuality but I notice a big difference in all areas. I dare to ask, speak up and own my desires. I am feeling a lot more in general and when I notice tension, I automatically take some deep breaths and give my body what it needs. "

Lars is continuing with another 12-session journey. Why? Because he realizes there is still so much more to discover!

#LarsStory #ExploringPrematureEjaculation

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