Have you noticed this too? There are people I feel comfortable with giving sensual hugs and heartfelt kisses. I share my time, my heart, my bed with them. Then the topic of money comes up... and it feels uncomfortable. Dealing with money in personal relationships can feel damn right vulnerable. It seems a purely rational matter, but touches on many feelings. It souds like we're talking about numbers, where in fact I hear questions like:
- Do you value my beauty or my gift? Do you see what I do for you and what I give to you?
- Can I trust you? Will you pay me back fairly when I borrow you money or arranged your train ticket?
- Will you respect my choices and my freedom? Sometimes I feel like hosting you with free food for days, sometimes I want to share the costs.
- Can you see me in my fear? Many days I feel abundant, many days I don't. Even though I don't want that to color my communication to you, sometimes it does.
Translated to phyically intimate language that is: Is it safe to let myself be touched by you? Can we both embody the receiving as well as the giving, the taking as well as the allowing? Can I say No and still be connected? Am I allowed to want you badly? Do I feel safe to express my longings. When I collaborate with someone it means there is a spark, an attraction. We might not be physically intimate with each other but in our own way we are co-creating a baby! Bringing our creative energy together to birth our offering into the world When I 'do marketing', write the (blog)post, make a video, talk about what I do... I want to do that authentically, with an open heart and a free flowing breath. I want to touch those who are willing to be touched. I open myself to be fully received and to be touched back, in that sense.
For me, money feels intimate. For me, owning a business feels sexual and vulnerable. Putting my heart and my passion out there, not knowing if or how it will be received.
Can you feel me?