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Why (not) go naked in sessions?

This is about a meeting with Sarah, who gave me her full support to share this.

You know, generally I only offer tantra massages to people I have already worked with and established enough trust with. Why? Because going naked and potentially having – also – genital touch is a big thing.

Don’t get me wrong, I love being naked together in complete relaxation when it feels natural and effortless. Those moments are always precious to me.

I use the word ‘tantra massage’ because it’s the name that is closest to what I offer and that quite some people know of. For me it’s a space in honor of the being that you are, in honor of your body and of your livelihood. It’s known for the fact that the genitals are included as an equally important part of the body compared to the rest. All emotions are welcome, from sadness to arousal.

As we started, I told Sarah this is a space completely for her. After some guided breathing, I let her know that a lot here is allowed, but nothing at all needs to happen. She told me a little bit about a difficult decision she has to make in a relationship, and invited the qualities of receiving, vigor, softness and boundaries.

I trust this woman. I trust that I can offer her my touch, play, keeping her clothes on, or taking them all off, dancing, breathing, self-pleasuring, talking and more. She can tell me what she wants and she’s able to receive my honest yes or no.

What I loved about this session is that Sarah let go of ideas of what should happen and went with feeling.

We moved from a hand on her womb on her dress, to playing like two little, giggling girls, to breathing laying on top of each other.

The moment she asked for naked touch on her breasts, it didn’t feel like a threshold at all. It felt natural and my body was completely relaxed. I can’t speak for her, but she looked very comfortable too.

She continued directing me here and there and actively enjoyed my touch by moving her body, breathing and sounding. We ended up breathing breast against breast.

I know few of us are very experienced in expressing boundaries and desires. It’s a theme that comes up in sessions for anyone I work with. And that’s why I like to go slow!

It doesn’t make sense to ignore tension in the body, that the other’s body picks up, so we can start a vicious circle.

I don’t want to touch you in a stimulating way if one or probably both of our bodies are still on alert, scanning danger.

Sarah took her time and after playful pushing, sniffing, laughing, Breathing, pressing weight on each other, Voicing needs and longings and being received in them, Her body just opened and became receptive for more intimate touch.

The feeling she took with her: freedom. She told me how she really felt in touch with herself again. The empowering sentence came up for her (and her decision she needs to make): ‘This is me, take it or leave it.’

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