The vagina shortcut
There was a time when I thought the quickest path to feeling connected and safe was through my body, specifically through my vagina. She was my go-to, my shortcut to closeness. Whether to feel safe, to release tension, or just to feel something, I ended up using her to get there.
I see now that trust, relaxation, and connection need to be there first. They’re not destinations I can reach through her; they’re the starting points, the essential foundations.
Shift my gears
After an intense day, it was easy for me to use my vagina to bridge gaps or to soothe my tensions. Yet if I truly listen, my body is not ready to go there when I am not relaxed. When I listen, I first need to shift gears. It feels natural to me now to do that by breathing, moving, focusing on the sensations on my skin - either by myself, or together with someone. It allows for a transition from a sympathetic to a more calm, parasympathetic state.
From self-care to foreplay
In my last self-pleasure date it all started with sighs, stretches, yawns. I was just laying there, moving my spine and hips softly, breathing and rolling around. It is not about rules or shouldn'ts; it's about following my own rhythm.
It's from the place where I am more in touch with my feelings and every part of my body has waken up, that something genuine can bubble up. Sensuality, edgy desire, longings for intenser play, whatever it may be - it comes naturally, without forcing.
This time of self-care is the perfect prelude to more passionate or edgy adventure. The longer, delicious build-up is - in my experience - only adding to more creativity and deeper orgasms.
My longing to soften and melt into the contact with someone else can be intense - it feels easier to co-regulate for me, than to regulate with myself. There's a longing for sensual experiences as a way to feel my own body and own emotions more deeply. Practically it truly helps me to avoid sleepless nights that come from bottled-up emotional tension. I'm sensitive to that.
My vagina prefers to be included with touch when she's truly ready. Or actually rather: when I am ready for her. She is not a tool to reach something, she only dances when the right music is playing!
Could it be that the secret to a great night is starting with a yawn rather than a roar?